Living by your Head vs. Living by your Heart

“I don’t understand why you people in the west [North America and Europe] always think you have to pay people back for their good deeds to you.” This statement by Baba T. began a rather lengthy “discussion” at the dinner table a couple nights ago.

She went on to explain that (based on movies and things she’s heard) people from western culture are always figuring who they “owe” and who they don’t, who they need to go good things to and who they don’t. She said that in "your" culture it’s everyman for himself, people live for themselves and don’t pay attention to others. If someone does something nice for you, it means you need to offer him back something right away – you can never receive something without strings attached, without obligation. She even said, “That’s why you Americans don’t have guests over to your house. If you meet, you meet in a restaurant. You don’t open up your lives to others.”

Of course, while she was saying all of this, she was describing how it’s not that why here. She said it wasn’t like that in Russia during Soviet times and even back in the times of the kings, people helped each other out with no questions asked. While the Soviet system truly was “every man for himself” (having to con you way up by knowing the right people and saying the right things), the people and culture were concerned about making sure EVERYONE survived.

Of course, I wanted to defend my culture, my country and MYSELF. I said that just because people say a county is one way it doesn’t mean that EVERYONE from that county is that way (something I desire to tell people here a lot). And the way I saw it, of course we want to go good back to people that have done good to us, it feels good. I didn’t understand where Baba T. was coming from since SHE HERSELF refused to receive the help of my friends at her garden without paying them something. This “discussion” was most likely heard by our neighbors and just seemed to spin in circles.

She told - and I mean told; with voice raised, entire body gesturing and ending it with a tear in her eye - a story of a woman whose husband was away at war and had 3 children. She only had one blanket for her whole family and could barley feed her children, let alone herself. One day a young mother with a baby came knocking at their door asking for something to eat. They ended up staying with the family for several days, and when they left, the woman gave them their only blanket.

I felt pretty uneasy as I thought about how I don’t know that I would find it my responsibility to give my last blanket to some women who should have found a way to make some money and fulfill her responsibility as a mother. I tried to bring this conversation to a close and said, “I know there are not many people that would give up their last blanket, but I do know that that is exactly what Jesus would have done. He gave up more than a blanket on the cross.” This did make her go quiet. But she ended by saying in a calm voice, “It’s a difference of living by your head or living by your heart. And I want to live by my heart.”


I write all this all to say, I don’t know if that’s how it used to be in Russia, I don’t know that it’s wrong to feel obligated to people who have done good to you, but I do know that the kind of good deeds she was talking about were EXACTLY the kind of good deeds that Christ commanded His Church to do; deeds out of kindness, of sacrifice, knowing that there will be nothing in return (on this earth anyway).

God has been using Titus 3 to show me just how important it is to Him to do good to others – not just those of faith or family (discussed earlier by Paul in chapter 2), but those lost in sin, the people all around us. Verse 8 says, “be careful to engage in good deeds” – I feel perhaps this translation falls short of the idea in Greek; be mindful to take on the responsibility of doing better deeds. Our motivation behind these good deeds comes from the understanding of who WE once where and – by God’s amazing grace and mercy through Christ – are no longer. Such understanding will bring us to look at lost sinners with the love and compassion of Christ. Are such deeds out of obligation? Or do they simply derive from a true understanding of grace?

Check out Titus, I think you’ll find an “amplified version” of Ephesians 2:8-10, For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is a gift of God; not of works, to that no one may boast, for we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.